Thursday, May 29, 2003


Had a weird thought today, and here's how I got to it, bear with me: I caught the end of Steel Magnolias, the scene in the cemetery where Malynn has a breakdown over Shelby's death. Daryl Hannah's stupid character Annelle tries to console Malynn with the traditional Christian dialogue: "Shelby's with her King....We should all be rejoicing" etc. Among these comments is "She will always be young, she will always be beautiful." Now, here's my question, and perhaps you see where I'm going; does this mean that if I live to be 90, I'll spend eternity as a crotchety old woman? No thanks! This movie isn't the only source that suggests this concept. James Dean and Marilyn Monroe are always depicted as "Forever Young" - isn't there even a song with that title?

I don't believe in afterlife, so I suppose it doesn't really matter, but on principle, living a long time on earth seems to be the raw end of the deal. I'd much rather kick it early here and party up in heaven than collect my social security but have to hobble around with eternal arthritis. Perhaps someone can offer a more theologically astute argument for the value of time spent on earth?

Saturday, May 24, 2003

Real Excited

The Franklin Park Conservatory, in my hometown of Columbus, Ohio, has just announced their plans for a six month exhibition this fall of Chihuly sculpture. Dale Chihuly, the amazing and creative glassblower, is one of my all-time favorite artists (if you haven't yet checked out his website under my links, i reccomend you do). He is arguably one of the most talented craftsmen of the 20th and 21st Centuries, and doubtless the most important to glass arts. Glassblowing is one of the oldest art forms, and unlike other mediums, its technique has changed very little in 3,000 years. Hugely difficult to create, Chihuly's pieces take teams of glassblowers, and they're stunning to see. Any museum worth its salt has his work among its collection, but if you're going to be in or near Columbus between October and March, the exhibit will be worth a stop. According to the linked article above, Chihuly will make new pieces specifically for this show.

Yay Columbus, way to care about something other than football for once.

Thursday, May 22, 2003

My A&E Prospects

I hate having my picture taken. For whatever reason, I never like the way they turn out, don't really think I look like myself in them, and because of that, I avoid being in front of the camera. Like my mom, though, I love biographies - and I always find myself entertained watching the show Biography on A&E. While we were watching an interesting episode on Cary Grant the other night, the thought occurred to me: if I ever end up doing something great, MY episode of Biography would be hindered by the fact that there aren't any pictures of me to be shown. All those great candids of Grant and his friends, Grant on the set, Grant and one of his 5 wives; all truthful and subtly lit, well composed - they seemed to reveal who he really was. Does my lack of photographs undermine my chances for posthumous remembrance?

I'm not going to take that chance. So from now on, I will fight my abhorrance of the camera and allow myself to be photographed in all sorts of jovial, prophetic, and serious circumstances: eating dinner, reading, playing golf, with the fam, asleep, soul-searching, shaking hands with people. They'll have a hard time choosing which ones to show. There will be a PLETHORA of LAURA.

Now I just have to do something worthy of Biography. Any suggestions? Hey, if I like yours, maybe I'll let you be in one of my pictures.....

Monday, May 19, 2003

Homecoming Queen

I can't think of a better way to juxtapose the late nights, isolation, hard work, and miserable bitchslap of finals than with a weekend of beautiful weather and total recreation with people you love. I'd never been to Vermont, but I'm certainly willing to go back. Though our game looked like shite, and Bryan didn't win anything in the raffle, and my golfing outfit left me with half sunburned arms, the weekend was more fun than I've had in a long time. For readers of the Bryan Adams Blog: In the interest of honesty, and in vindication of my mother and myself, here's another tidbit from saturday's round:

Hole #16: After three of us attempt a long chip onto the green with less than stellar success (although I do believe mine was the ball ultimately used), Big BPA steps up to take a turn. With enough confidence to proclaim first "Alright, I'll show you how it's done right here," he takes a big swing.....*SMACK*...... the ball shoots out in front of him - perpendicular to where he was aiming - INTO the nearby cart, where it rattles around a bit, then emerges again on the grass, steps away from where it started. Play is delayed while we double over in fits of laughter.

36 holes in two days, and I probably could have kept going. Two days and a 15 hour drive later, I'm kicked back in a big old house, enjoying the comforts of cable, dog, home cookin', and no f'ing responsibility. At least not for another week. There really is no place like it.....

Wednesday, May 14, 2003

Four little, Three little, Two little Indians....

Or a Scottish-Mexican and an American in this case. Wow, that song really isn't PC is it? Anyway, so long T and Anns - have fun and see you in 2004. :(

Monday, May 12, 2003

Life's Mysteries #371

I packed and stored a bunch of stuff this weekend in preparation for my upcoming move. I was pretty proud of myself until about a half hour ago, when I wanted a can of soup and found myself with no bowls and no can opener. Shitballs.

As my hunger became starvation, I got to thinking: in order to aid actual starving people here and abroad, what do we send? Canned goods. Everyone and their mom has a canned food drive to help the needy, but is ANYONE collecting can openers? What good is this food doing people if they can't open their cans? Next Christmas THAT'S what I'm putting in the collection box.

Unrelatedly, and in the spirit of the day: I LOVE MY MOM!!!!!!!!! happy mummy's day. :)

Sunday, May 11, 2003

And then there were Four...

Goodbye Petra. Miss you already. :(

Friday, May 09, 2003

Penny for your Thoughts

We encountered a moral dilemma at dinner the other night. I finished Ethics last week and have thus retired my Philosophy brain for a while, so I'll throw it out here.

In the place we always eat dinner, while others are scurrying about with their food and talking loudly, I notice that curled up on the floor, near a vacant table is a $20 bill. I sit down with my friends and say "Hey, there's a twenty on the floor over there." This instigated a conversation about the appropriate course of action. Twenty bucks isn't the kind of money you just drop and forget about (well, not if you're a college student. see the post from 4/27). I suggest we pick it up and take it to an employee on the off chance somebody comes back looking for it. This was pretty much dismissed, because there's no way of identifying the appropriate owner. Someone suggested I take it, on the "finders keepers" philosophy. For some reason this seemed wrong to me.

The funny thing is, we all agreed that if we found a $20 bill just lying in the street, it would be ok to take it. Hell, you do it with change right? This reminded me of those little tests we'd do in GATE (Gifted And Talented Education: a smart-people class) in elementary school - you know, what should you do if you find a bag of money in the street, etc. So, then, what are the limits on the amount of money you can pick up without feeling bad? Or, are there appropriate places (i.e. 'the street') in which it's ok to pick up discarded money? Or, is it irrelevant - take money whenever you find it, don't think twice.

We ended up losing interest in the conversation and leaving the money on the floor. I'm sure our apathy made someone $20 richer.

Wednesday, May 07, 2003

Split End Relationship

My hair is getting altogether out of control. Occasionally we have a symbiotic relationship, but generally we just try to stay out of each other's way. These days, though, it's just becoming too needy. I can't eat my food, cut my fingernails, or sign my name without it being all up in my business. It just HAS to be the center of attention. I think maybe we need some space. This really just isn't working for me. I hope we can still be friends.

....but then we had a moment: at work, an acquaintance randomly approached me to say, "You have the prettiest hair. For a while, Shannon and I didn't know your name, so we called you That-Girl-With-The-Pretty-Hair..." Well hell. If it can earn me a title like THAT, maybe I should keep it around a while longer. Awww, reconciliation.

What has your hair done for YOU lately?

Friday, May 02, 2003

Battle of Who Could Care Less

I hear the People Magazine "50 Most Beautiful People in the World" issue is about to come out, with Halle Berry on the cover. This tradition never ceases to amaze me, combining all of the best features of our society: commercialism, voyeurism, competition, materialism, elitism. I would love to sit in on one of the meetings for this issue. "Nah, this year Michelle Pfiffer is ugly." "Ever since the Grammys, Norah Jones seems so beautiful." There also must be meetings on how to make it seem like the list is open-minded and holistic. No doubt there's a quota for minorities and people over age 45. I also noticed SNL's Tina Fey is on the list this year. Now, she's certainly not ugly, and she's funny as hell, but she does have an obivous facial deformity. I'm sure People thought it would be "nice" to include her on the list. "See? You all think this magazine is shallow, but Beauty doesn't mean any one thing.... We say so."

Bravo, People, I applaud your rejection of the traditional iconography proposed by mainstream media. Now I'll turn to page 15 to see Sarah Jessica Parker in Prada at a charity gala and page 97 to find out how to get Britney's new look.

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